Frozen: A Bad Parenting Story
So often I have heard myself say, “that will leave a mark” or, “they will be in therapy for that someday”. To all my fellow parents out there we have to face it, we are not perfect, far from it at times. None of us set out to mess up or be “bad parents”. On the contrary, we are trying hard to be great parents, sadly so much so that sometimes we get it all wrong.
As we look at our first week in the new series “Popcorn and Parables” we take a look at villains and compare them to biblical failures. Week one is Hans from Disney’s “Frozen”, he is compared to Adonijah (1 Kings 1), both of whom try to usurp thrones from the rightful heirs. The primary cause is the bad parenting of the villains which results in the actions they take. The blame falls largely on the parents for not speaking into the lives of their children and leaving them to sink or swim. Yes, this is a bad parenting technique.
Before I delve further into Hans and Adonijah, I want to get back to my original statement. None of us set out to be bad parents. Nonetheless, we, like Anna and Elsa’s parents, act in a way we think is helping, but in the end can be just as damaging as ignoring our children completely. Anna’s parents thought the trolls advice to take away her memories was good, they agreed it was best for Elsa to hide the gift she had been given rather than embrace it, and they even felt leaving their children to live isolated lives from the world and one another was good for them. King David, was also an absent parent for his children, he seldom gave them time, avoided conflicts among them, and even sent them away from his presence (2 Samuel). Both the Disney Parents and King David made poor parenting choices, but they were not evil or villainous.
It is easy to sit back in a chair and judge the bad choices of others, but not so easy to look at our own failures. How many of us get sucked into a TV program or our phones and ignore the child climbing the walls? How many times have we said “no” 10 times only to cave in on the 11th request? How many of us still run lunches or homework to the school to save our child from the pain of failure? The very person who claims to have coined the phrase “Helicopter Parent” (John Rosemond) now cringes because our society has made it out to not necessarily be a bad thing. He goes on to now call parents “Blender or Cuisinart Parents” whose lives are so enmeshed in their children’s lives you cannot tell where one begins and the other ends (Rosemond “Parenting by the Book”). Prior to looking at others, we must first acknowledge the query: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers’ eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3).
Now, back to Hans and Adonijah. Both were lost in the shuffle of where they fit in amongst their siblings. Both seem to have had absentee parents. And both seem to have developed a ‘make my own way’ philosophy. Hans was the 13th son of a Lord of a distant land who comes to find his purpose in marrying and then attempts to usurp the throne from Queen Elsa. Adonijah doesn’t wait for his father, King David, to be dead before claiming the throne from David’s declared heir Solomon (1 Kings 1). Hans and Adonijah likely had never heard their father say they “matter” let alone show them they were loved. They may have had some relationship with their mothers, but the fact is neither mother nor father had instilled in them a sense there was a right and wrong path.
No matter if you are the good parent just making mistakes like so many of us, or if you are the parent who have lost your way and need to make things right; none of us are alone. The Lord can show you the way to be an attentive parent and guide your parenting choices if you read His Word and listen with a soft heart. There are resources, friends, mentors, small groups, and classes all of which are available to get better on this whole parenting thing. We are not perfect, nor will our children be, but we are all forgiven and made righteous by His blood. Let us all do our best to leave our children a little better than ourselves and the world a better place than we have now.
“May the Lord cause you to flourish, both you and your children. May you be blessed by the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psalms 115: 14 – 15).
Written by Christian Love