AC3 E Groups
AC3 GROUP OUTLINE March 6th-7th
Posted by Carin on Mar 06 2010(Print)
EXTENDED – Despair Romans 7
ICEBREAKER: Speed Game- (Inspired by Brian Nelson)
You are driving down I-5, speed limit is 60. Which of the following best describes you?
A. Keeps speed because it’s the law
B. Keeps speed to show others that it’s the law and you are going be the one to keep it
C. Keeps up with the flow of traffic
D. Drives under 60mph in fear of not wanting to break the speed limit law
E. There’s a speed limit?
F. Breaks speed limit in hopes to be pulled over by Officer White.
DISCUSSION/SCRIPTURE/ACTIVITY:
While reading Romans 7:1-6 ask yourself if someone has died in Christ, are they still bound by the power of the law?
Romans 7 An Illustration from Marriage
1Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? 2For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
4So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. 5For when we were controlled by the sinful nature,[a] the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. 6But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.
(*May be helpful to have another translation for verses 4-6)
Ver. 4 “The law no longer holds you in its power, because you died to its power when you died with Christ on the cross.”
Share the illustration of MR LAW…
- Perfection, inflexible, demanding
- Intolerant of excuses, half hearted efforts, ineptitude or incompetence
- Inevitable condemnation from Mr. Perfection
Q: Where might that image of MR LAW leave us with our view of GOD?
(Words to start off discussion -“frustrated”, “pressure”, “anger”, “fear”)
Q: As a group can we agree that living by JUST THE LAW someone can easily feel like they are incapable of producing anything good?
Q: Does this mean that MR LAW is bad? NO!
Read Romans 7:7
“What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law? For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, ‘do not covet’.”
The law is good. The problem is not the law, but the sinful nature with in us. It’s a powerful rebellious pull that we all have within us.
Finish reading Romans 7:7-14
Struggling With Sin
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet."[b] 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
SO we know that we are only bound to the law until our sin died with Christ. Now we are free to marry another – JESUS CHRIST!
What were the two things Rick mentioned that this new marriage partner is able to do that the law never could?
- CHRIST is able to put LAW IN OUR HEART
(Heb 8:10) “This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I WILL PUT MY LAWS IN THEIR MINDS AND WRITE THEM ON THEIR HEARTS. I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
- CHRIST is able to help us live up to what used to only condemn us, this allowing us to actually be spiritually fruitful – instead of fruitless and frustrated.
Now there is a new way of obeying the law – from the inside out because of the new nature that is put in us by the Holy Spirit.
Rom 7:6 But now, by dying to what once bound us; we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.
Q: When the bible says we are “not under the law” what does that mean?
a. Free to do what ever we want
b. The law is no longer relevant to our lives
c. We have been justified before God
The answer is C. Justified before God. We have been declared “not guilty”.
In Gal 5:18 we see that it means to be sanctified, to be changed, molded more into God’s image, we need the Spirit to direct us, the law can’t change us
Q: So, if the law can’t save us and it can’t change us, what then is the great purpose of the law?
The law magnifies sin, so that we we’re not living in a fool’s paradise about it. Sin kills!
Q: What did Romans 7:13 tell us? (Have someone reread verse 13)
It shared that the law made sin look “utterly sinful”.
Q: Now that we know the freedom of living with CHRIST in us…
Christ being the one who put the law in our hearts,
And Christ being the one who helps us to be fruitful,
Should we live in the despair that comes with the conviction of sin? No. But as we can see from verses 14-25 there can still be a sense of despair coming from that old sinful nature.
Keep reading:
Roman 7:14-25
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Rick talked about a “great debate” here on who was the person who wrote this part? Was this someone who was born again by the Spirit? Were they truly saved by Christ? Or was this someone who was still caught just living by the Law?
One thought on this is that it is a person caught in the middle. An “Old Testament Believer” who was saved, but not living in the full power of the Holy Spirit.
Have group discuss what they see in the person talking in verse 14-25.
When all is said and done we must know that our lives in CHRIST are to be lived with JOY, FREEDOM and VICTORY!
As the song In Christ Alone says, “No Guilt in Life, No Fear in Death”.
That is true VICTORY! And it is IN CHRIST ALONE!
Application & PRAYER:
Reread ROMAN 7:6
“But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code”.
Discuss: What does serving/living in the new way of the Spirit look like? How does that translate to our everyday life?
What can we let go of from our pasts, and then what can we find victory in because of Christ?
Prayer:
Close in popcorn prayer for Christ to reveal HIS FREEDOM for our lives this week.
-AC3 E-Group Outline Feb 27th-28th
Posted by James on Feb 26 2010(Print)
Materials: paper, pen/pencil, index cards, bowl
ICEBREAKER: (25 min.)
Have someone read: Luke 14:26. Discuss what this verse says to the group.
Ask the question and discuss: What in our lives climbs above our love for Christ? What does that look like? How do you displace those loves at the top of your love life?
DISCUSSION/SCRIPTURE: (75 min.)
Ask the group: Is there a correct order to love? If so, what is it and why?
If there is a right order to love, then what happens when we get it out of order? Does anybody have a personal story to share about getting love in the wrong order? Ex: Placing spouse before God, Children before spouse, etc.
Jesus is adamant that we love in the right order. Why?
Once we have Jesus at the top of our love life, we’re ready to do whatever he says. Are you there? Why or why not?
Have someone read: Luke 6:27-36
DISCUSS:
6:27 How should the followers of Jesus behave towards their enemies?
6:28 What should Christians do to those who do bad things to them?
6:29 What should Christians do if someone is unkind to them?
6:30 Should Christians be generous? How do you apply this principle in your life? With beggars? With children and unreasonable requests?
6:31 What’s the rule for how Christians should behave towards any other person?
6:35 How should Christians behave towards their enemies? What happens when Christians obey this difficult command? Do you believe this promise is true?
6:36 Why should the followers of Jesus be merciful?
Have someone read: Rom 12:9-21
On paper, have your group members write their answers and thoughts.
1. What does Paul say our love toward others should be like (verse 9)?
Literally “without hypocrisy”. Not fake.
2. How can we practically do what Paul suggest in verse 10?
3. List the counsel Paul gives in verses 11-13 for our love lives. Indentify the difficult ones.
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4. How are we to respond to those who persecute us (verse 14)? How is this like Jesus teaching in Luke 6?
5. How do verses 15 and 16 compliment each other? How do they build on each other?
6. Can we ever pay back evil for something evil someone has done to us (verse 17)? How should we think of this in terms of pursuing justice?
7. What does Paul say regarding making peace between you and everyone else (verse 18)?
a) part of it depends on you, part of it doesn’t
b) part of it may not be possible
8. List a few attitudes or thoughts we should have toward our desires to take our own
revenge {verses 19-21}. In what way does this sound like Jesus?
Now ask the group members to share their answers. Revisit each question.
APPLICATION: (10 min.)
Write down a Prayer request: Ask God about two changes you desire to take place in your life because of these verses. Write it on your own piece of paper to add to your daily prayers and write it again on an index card. When finish, place the card in the bowl. When everybody has placed their card in the bowl have the group members draw a card out. The card they draw is the person they are to pray for, for the next week. If they draw their own name have them place it back in the bowl and draw again.
PRAYER: (10 min.)
As a group; pray for your E-Group, AC3 and the whole body of Christ. Use the popcorn method. Pray for the correct order of love.
AC3 E-Group Outline - Feb 20th-21st
Posted by Carin on Feb 19 2010(Print)
ICEBREAKER: HOW MUCH DO WE HAVE IN COMMON?
Coffee or Tea
Romantic Comedy or Suspense
Peanut Butter or Jelly
Early Bird or Night Owl
Lake or Ocean
Fine China or Paper plate
James Brown or James Taylor
Coke or Pepsi
Snow or Beach
Lone Ranger or Tonto
Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble
Thelma or Louise
Batman or Robin
Lucy Ricardo or Ethel Mertz
DISCUSSION/SCRIPTURE/ACTIVITY:
Quick recap of the first two LOVES –
EROS [Romantic Passion]
STORGE [Family Affection]
Pick your kind of love! And describe what makes it that kind of love.
Storge or Eros – Young couple dating?
Storge or Eros – Elderly couple holding hands in the park? (Trick can be either)
Storge or Eros – Mother holding baby for first time?
Storge or Eros – Father giving away his daughter on her wedding day?
PHILLA distinguishes itself from the other loves in that it is the love built least on need, especially biological need. Rick pointed out without EROS (Romantic Passion) you probably wouldn’t be born in the first place. And without STORGE (Family Affection) you probably won’t be raised or provided for very well.
PHILLA (Friendship Love) is not needed to survive. But as CS Lewis states, Friendship has no real survival value, rather, it adds VALUE to SURVIVAL!
QUESTION: (If children are present don’t be afraid to ask them to answer this one – just make sure they stick around to here the follow up).
What kind of things make it hard to enter into friendship with others?
(Leader) The idea here is to pull out the “it’s hard because…”
“Too busy”
“Too big of an investment of time and energy”
“Have to get real with someone”
“Afraid of being judged”
“If they knew the real me”
“Been hurt in the past”
Q: IF REAL LIFE RELATIONSHIPS ADDED VALUE TO YOUR SURVIVAL WOULDN’T PHILA BE WORTH ALL OF THOSE REASONS WE JUST STATED WERE HARD? IF SO, WHY?
(Leader you can try to encourage group to counter their own reasons why it would be hard with why it would be worth it – especially the children)
The thing about STORGE and EROS is that they are the most natural of these 3 loves.
Philia is more spiritual and idealistic. This may explain why we have such a hard time with this.
As modern day man when we tend to make everything about either a SEXUAL NEED or a MOMMY/DADDY NEED - making a true PHILA FRIENDSHIP love seem impossible.
Q: Does anyone remember some of the down falls with having this way of thinking that Rick shared about?
-It leads to men who, because they can’t do actual friendship, come to a romantic relationship with women without a clue how to relate.
-It leads to men who are afraid to hug another man, or cry or show demonstrable emotion and so they avoid friendship altogether.
-It leads to women who won’t be your friend unless they can put themselves in the upper hand of parenthood (i.e. fix you).
Q: What would be other down falls? (Open discussion)
All of this doesn’t allow for a lot of room for a real PHILIA relationship.
Here is what the BIBLE says about finding/picking friends.
PROVERBS 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
Using this as a reference, think about WHO ARE YOU WALKING WITH?
The ones that you are “walking with” are the ones you are “doing life with”.
Q: If this is the first time you have heard this – take a moment to really take that in.
If you have heard this before, when was the first time that you really started to understand
the importance of looking at “who you walk with”?
(You can ask for good and/or bad examples of this IF you feel appropriate for your egroup).
The Bible says, “If you walk with fools, you will become a fool, you will become impulsive, insensitive, immoral, unthinking, rash, irresponsible. But if you walk with the wise you will become wise, thoughtful, responsible, prudent, godly and blessed. “
So we can gather from what the Bible tells us, when it comes to PHILA, picking our “walking” mates is of utmost importance.
Here is how to avoid the dark side of PHILA RELATIONSHIPS
PROVERBS 6:17-19 There are six things the LORD hates, no seven things that he detests: Self important eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.
Let’s see if we can guess the definitions of each of these. (Answer is always ALL OF THE ABOVE).
1. SELF IMPORTANT EYES Is it…
a. Pride
b. Pervasive Spirit
c. Judgementalism
There are some folks, for whom no one else seems quite good enough. This is self important eyes. You know what happens with people like this? Their circle of close friends keeps shrinking and shrinking because no one’s good enough for them, and then they wonder why they feel so alone! If you don’t want to share in that fate, don’t invite them into your inner circle.
2. A LYING TONGUE
a. A Truth Shader
b. A Fast Talker
c. An Angle Worker
When we are walking with someone who is “D – All of the Above” we can tend to allow that to be our normal also. And when we are walking with a person who is always covering it over, trying to make it less harsh, trying to put themselves in a good light, trying to work the angles for their benefit – that person is going to hurt us. Maybe their truth shading helps you because they’re constantly flattering you, and so you kind of like it. But sooner or later, you’ll be the victim of it and the pain will be intense.
3. HANDS THAT SHED INNOCENT BLOOD
a. A person who throws their weight around
b. A person who devalues others
c. A person with the shoot first, ask questions second mantality
Steer clear of all of the above!
PROVERB 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
4. A HEART THAT DEVISES WICKED SCHEMES
a. Knows how to bypass the rules
b. Finds ways to take advantage of company’s expense account
c. Overlooks copyright laws
We all know people of low integrity. They’re always devising a way around the rules.
5. FEET THAT ARE QUICK TO RUSH INTO EVIL
a. Thoughtless
b. No common sense
c. No sense of what will come from their decisions
They are quick to run headlong into a shady or deceitful situation. Some people go running headlong into trouble and then they say innocently, “I didn’t know, I wasn’t aware, I wasn’t sure, I had no idea.”
6. A FALSE WITNESS WHO POURS OUT LIES
a. One who maliciously lies
b. A Gossip
c. Makes you feel special that they divulged these lies to you
We all love to be treated as so important that your friend would divulge their intimate nasty opinion of so and so with you, and ONLY you. It’s intoxicating. You’re so important, they told you! Next times that exhilaration hits you, ask yourself, how soon before the tables are turned on me?
PROVERBS 11:13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
7. MAN WHO STIRS UP DISSENSION AMONG BROTHERS
a. stirs the pot of conflict
b. nurses grudges
c. demands huge apologies but never gives them
Again, ALL OF THE ABOVE!
See friends, you don’t pick your family, (STORGE LOVE) and in a lot of ways people feel destiny or chemistry picked their Lovers (EROS LOVE). Only with PHILA do you exert free control of association.
APPLICATION: (Everyone will need a note card sized paper and pen for this.)
(As you are reading the list below to the group, have everyone write the words that are in bold)
Now that we know what not to look for in our PHILA RELATIONSHIPS, let’s see at what we should look for.
Here’s the opposite list of characteristics of a people in which we should intentionally foster PHILA LOVE with.
- instead of the proud, we should be looking for a humble heart, a teachable spirit
- instead of the liar, we should be looking for someone who will tell us the truth.
- instead of an angry person, we should invite the tender hearted
- instead of the rebellious we should invite the person of integrity
- instead of the devious we should invite the prudent
- instead of the loose lipped person, we should invite the person who treats our secrets with intense security
- instead of a divisive person, a person with a forgiving, reconciling spirit.
Now we may look at this list and wonder how to find true friends like this, but the first step here is actually to look at our own hearts and see how we can strive to be more of a friend like this.
Take a moment and write down an area in friendship that you would like GOD to help you with. Maybe it will be that you will find some one to walk with. Or that God will help develop an area in your heart to be a better friend to those already in your life.
For prayer this week, turn to the person to your left and commit to praying for them through this next week. Write that person’s name down on the back of your paper and make sure to put that in a safe place you will see it this week.
One last verse to take with you tonight…
PROVERBS 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
God Bless and have a wonderful week!
-AC3 E-Group Outline Feb 13th-14th
Posted by James on Feb 12 2010(Print)
Extended- It’s all Greek To Me: EROS
Material: 4 index cards with scriptures written on them. See verses below within the lesson. Print the woman section and enough copies for each lady in your group to hand out during application. Print the man section and enough copies for each gentlemen in your group to hand out during application. Print out the singles section and enough copies for each single person in your group to hand out during application.
ICEBREAKER: (30 min.)
Ask the group:
Can we be candid?
What was your expectations of sex before marriage and what is the reality now (Be kind, be thoughtful, be considerate of your audience)? Singles: What are your thoughts, expectations of sex for marriage?
As a married couple what increases quality and quantity of your sex life? What decreases it? Singles: Do you anticipate this problem? Why?
DISCUSSION/SCRIPTURE: (75 min.)
Hand out the index cards with scriptures to group members and ask them to look up these verses and be ready to read them to the group.
Ask the group the following questions (True or False): Say: I’m going to read some statements. Answer these statements as true or false for you.
1) Every married couple, no matter man or woman or how long they’ve been married want a fulfilling sex life. (True)
2) During courtship, especially for Christian couples, it seems that keeping the passion alive will be the GREATEST of their problems. (False)
3) These couples are too busy trying NOT to have sex to worry about the quality and quantity of sexual activity. (True)
4) It’s almost universal that in just a few years, sometimes even weeks after the honeymoon, that quality and quantity of sex becomes a real issue. (True)
5) Sex is NOT good and spiritual. (False)
Have the person read Gen. 2:24-25, then discuss what this means.
Have the person read Eph. 5: 26-33, then discuss what this means.
Have the person read Heb. 13:4, then discuss what this means.
Please be prepared for this section. Really pray about this portion. As E-Group leaders we want our group members to be transparent and vulnerable and to do so they must feel safe. This is a great opportunity to show them that your group is just that “SAFE”. So please be diligent to set the tone for your group by establishing or re-establishing group expectations. Then maybe lead off with your own thoughts, story, etc. about the next section- Sex sin. Also consider thinking ahead of asking someone specifically in your group to share their story with the E-Group. Someone’s story you are aware of and you know they may be willing to share. Ask them prior to the group to give them time to consider it. Between your story and this other person/couple’s story should get the ball rolling for discussion.
State to the group:
There are two sex sins Christians can make, as singles or as married people:
- Adultery
- Sexual Immorality
Ask the group:
Are there any stories, experiences of sexually sin you would like to share?
Have you been hurt or have you hurt someone else and/or yourself?
What has been some of the consequences?
Are you on the other end of the sexual sin? If so, how did you get there?
Has God used it for His purpose? How?
Share with the group:
God expects marriages to be places of sexual health. Why? Because, marriages that are healthy inside, have lessened temptations outside.
Have the person read 1 Cor 7:2-5 then discuss what this means.
Discuss this concept: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
Consider Rick’s thoughts: This is saying that sex is not an add on to a marriage for extra credit! It’s a fundamental part of your covenant. In some sense you might say sex defines marriage because it’s the one thing you don’t do with anyone else.
Discuss this concept: “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Consider Rick’s thoughts: People who think Paul is some kind of misogynist should take note that that Paul here makes the first statement of sexual equality in the history of the human race! He makes no distinction for gender, both women AND men cede partial control of their bodies to their spouse equally. Wow! If you have issue with this kind of mutual submission, then you have issue with everything Jesus taught us about fulfillment: You do not seek your life to find it, you give UP your life to find it.
Discuss this concept: Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent
Consider Rick’s thoughts: When it comes to sex, Paul is saying you are your spouse’s only hope at a happy sex life. And sex is part of the expression of the image of God in them. Deprive them and what are you doing? You are in one sense throwing them to the wolves of an immoral culture. Paul makes the direct connection between sexual fulfillment IN marriage and a decrease in sexual temptation outside of marriage.
APPLICATION: (5 min.)
Share with the group. This week we have homework. Yes, homework. All application will be done at home with your spouse. For the single people in your group, you also have homework. You will be asked to interview at least one couple. Hand out the sections according to the person’s category (Woman, Man, Single).
Women’s Assignment:
Consider: FOR YOUR HUSBAND SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING.
According to Jeff and Shaunti Feldman and their survey of over 1000 men and women, 3 out of every 4 men (75%) said they wanted more and better sex than their wives.
During this week, ask your husband what this means to him. How does sex change everything? Do not interject or correct. Just listen to your husband. Do they want more sex? If your husband has stopped asking for sex, ask why.
For the next week:
Discuss this concept with your husband: Sex for most men is deeply attached to their emotional well being and making love to his wife: assures him, builds his confidence, salves his loneliness, and delights his soul in ways that mere sexual release cannot produce.
Explore this concept: Does your husband want to be wanted? Does he want to be desired? Your husband wants you not only to “put up with sex”, but to actually desire him sexually. It’s a core need in a man. And if he doesn’t feel it, he feels wounded.
Please consider: Maybe you need a change in view, from thinking that your husband’s sexual craving is at best a simple desire he should just be able turn off, or at worst a insensitive demand… to thinking that it is, in fact, an expression of deep emotional need.
Doesn’t that change things? Imagine that your husband decided that your need for communication and emotional intimacy was kinda dumb and immature. I mean he knows it’s there, but he decides that you don’t need it to live and you should just get over it and understand that he has other things to do than listen or talk to you. Think of how wounding that would be.
What to do?
- HEAR HIS HEART. The next time he floats a trial balloon to test the waters, hear the heart behind it. Don’t hear, “I’m an animal and I have a physical need, please meet it.” Everyone understands how demeaning that would be. But 97% of men don’t feel that way. Honestly, if orgasm was all it was, they could just masturbate… but they don’t WANT to… what they WANT is intimacy with you! You desiring him makes him feel like a champion. You’re not satisfying his body so much as feeding his soul.
- GET INVOLVED. Sometimes, you make the first move. Here’s the word: seduce him. This touches that, “does she desire me” button he has that cuts so close to his sense of worth.
- MAKE SEX A PRIORITY. Men feel like they only get a tiny, little space in your spaghetti brains. Kids, work, ministry, laundry, will we even make the top 10? We know you need to be thinking about sex to be ready for it, yet the fact that you don’t prioritize brain space for it says “I’M not a priority to her.”
Men’s Assignment:
Consider this: HER NO DOESN’T MEAN YOU. So now let’s turn our attention to
the men. Men I want you to do two things that you’re really good at. Think Clearly.
Think about Sex. Now I want you do something you’re not any good at, do these two
things at the same time. Here’s the revelation, are you ready?
Her “no” doesn’t mean you.
So when you initiate and your wife can take it our leave it, you may go to a bad place: “I’m repulsive.” “I’m not a priority.” “I’m undesirable.” “She doesn’t care.” And if, you’re ever there, you are in the danger zone.
What if instead, you could see your wife’s heart? It’s NOT about you at all. What you are taking as deep-hearted rejection is not meant to be.
For the next week:
Start a conversation with your wife and discuss these questions.
- Do you feel you have a lower sex drive? Why? What can I do to help?
- Are you too tired or stressed? If so, how can I help? If not, how can I help to keep it that way?
- Is it hard to transition into intimacy? Why? What can I do?
Please consider:
- Your wife is not wired to initiate sex as much as you.
- Your wife is more susceptible to distractions to sex.
- Sex starts in your wife’s heart.
- Your wife has to feel a total connection with you. And she has to have mental space to feel that connection.
What to do?
- GIVE ATTENTION. Women were candid about what helps open the sex window.
- GIVE CHASE. Women need the pursuit, affirmation of beauty because God made them with a beauty to reveal. They are fighting a culture that tells them constantly what’s wrong with them physically. You have to be her champion and fight that battle for her. She’s beautiful. Tell her. She needs to feel attractive to feel sexual.
- GIVE WARNING. Again a nod to spaghetti brains… it’s 90% mental with her, 10% physical. A little hint during the day, plants the thought in her mind, plugs in her iron so it can be hot later on.
- NON-SEXUAL TOUCHING. If you hope your wife heard that you are not an animal and that sex touches a deep need in you, your wife is now hoping that you hear that if every time you make a move towards her, it’s to have sex, it will feel like pure selfish release no matter how much she knows it’s not. So you have to convince her that you can and will put sexual release on hold for her. Her body is yours after all. What does IT want?
- TALK ABOUT RESPONSE. In the 21% of women where their man had something to do with their lower sexual interest, they honestly shared a brutal truth: They were hesitant because they did not anticipate pleasure. This is a difficult subject, but someone has to be willing to talk about it.
Single’s Assignment:
For the next week:
Your homework assignment is to interview at least one couple (together) and ask questions that will help you be prepared for a future spouse. Generate questions that are important to you? Questions that will help prepare you for the realities of marriage not the fairy tales we grew up with.
Questions such as:
- If you were able to do anything over again before or during your marriage, what would that be? Why?
- What would be your suggestion(s) for me to best prepare me for a spouse?
- What are some traps I should be aware of?
- What has been the most helpful aspect in your marriage to develop intimacy?
- What advice, if any, do you have for me?
PRAYER: (10 min.)
As the E-Group leader, use your best judgment for grouping your E-Group for the prayer time. Have each couple find an isolated area (as best as possible). Have the single people group together as one group.
Have your couples/singles pray with each other to prepare them for this coming week. To pray for open hearts and minds towards each other and towards God. For protection, from the enemy, while tackling a potential touchy subject. To receive God’s strength and courage to be willing to do God’s will, to give up self for your spouse or future spouse.
